Well it is that time of day again. The morning process of shaking off the medication remnants and trying to start the day. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way in the morning. Not quite a zombie, but really not that with it either. Can’t tell you how many times I have gone to the fridge to get a mug, or checked the silverware drawer for half and half. Best of all, staring at the microwave thinking it will produce a cup of coffee. Yeah, I know, comical. Especially considering the coffee maker is 6 inches to the right of our microwave. Now granted, they are both plug-in appliances, so there is some logic in it.
Thank god I don’t have to function. Instead I have the time to wake up and watch the gauzy remnants of sleep fall away as anxiety takes its place. Some days it takes a while, others it is there the moment I open my eyes. Those are going to be bad days- I just know it. Nobody should start their day with worry and dread. I hate those days. Thanks to a recent med change I usually drift thru the day somewhere between dont-give-a-shit and feeling like I should be on a beach listing to no woman no cry. For real, this beautiful little 6 mg of seroquel unteathers those fears and worries. It is a nice change from the daily grind of constant anxiety. Wish we had done this sooner, but sometimes it takes a while to come to something that works. I never would have imagined such a miniscule dose of seroquel would work like that. But from what I understand low dose seroquel works on the brain differently then when it is given at higher doses. Since I take it in both forms, I get to see it for all its glory. Yeah, I know. A love affair with a psych drug. ugh. But it has been in my arsenal for years now, and hasn’t failed me yet. That speaks volumes, since most of them stop working, or don’t work at all.
My usual attempt to ward of the anxiety is to sit in the recliner and check e-mails, FB and take a wander around the internet. Checking the usual news sites and such. Prior to the meds change this was my normal attempt at trying to keep a schedule in the AM, and to try and keep the self judgments at bay. Thankfully I am blessed in that I don’t have to be at a job at 8 in the AM. I can relax and wake up, my morning schedule is fairly flexible, except a few days a week. But without any structure things tend to come apart fast. So, this is my attempt at making this the same each day. I plan to blog soon about the virtues and failures of structure….I am officially awake now, and off to start my day.