Schedules

I’m sure I am not alone in my quest to adhere to very specific scheduled. I try and make my life manageable that way. The most critical piece for me, and most people with bipolar) is sleep. I take my meds at the same time every evening, and attempt to sleep the same amount every night. But life loves to throw curve balls. When you have everything so settled and normal, something comes up. It is in those moments that we need to make a choice. To remain under the rigid self imposed structure, or step outside it. For me I find those times hard. I want more than anything to just be like everyone else. To be able to miss sleep and not have mood disturbances. To be able to say, ah to heck with it, lets have another glass of wine. There are plenty of times I choose the route that causes problems in the days that follow. Those of the moments when I hate Bipolar, those are the times I feel restricted by its presence.

Once could argue, it isn’t always the Bipolar, or you could say, it wasn’t the schedule change. It would have happened anyway. That is true, but I know with me. If I deviate from my schedule, consequence soon follow. It is one of those things that I have tried to accept and move on. Some days I do it better than others.

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