Post Mudder

It has been a great couple days, well minus the bug. Have no idea where I got it. Probably from one of the 20K people running on Saturday, or the swamp muck of NJ. Toss up there. Regardless of health, my brain has been quite happy. My mood settling into a very even content place. I was worried I’d crash off the high of the weekend. That has not been the case. As my partner in crime said, hanging on to that afterglow. That is true. As I fall asleep or wake up I am reliving some obstacle, or portion of the race. The experience so vast it will take weeks to fully comprehend and process. So I seem to be doing it a bit at a time. There wasn’t anything I’d change (well except maybe the parking/ shuttle) but, it was perfect. I’d love to do some more, but I don’t know that they can hold a candle to this past weekend. I’m not sure if it was our forward pace, or just the way it worked out, but we only had one short wait. That is in contrast to a lot of reports about the weekend. We didn’t have the long lines. It was as if everything just fell into place for us. We are all planning our next run. I honestly thought I’d have had enough. Nope, I was just finishing and thinking when can I do this again.

We all finished in the top 5% and qualified for World’s Toughest Mudder—WTM is a 24 hour version of tough Mudder. The obstacles are different, a bit extreme and it is held in the cold of NJ at the end of November. Last year the winning man completed 7 laps of the course. The top female completed 6. It is remarkable thinking about them running that course in the dark. The water and the mud and the 30 degree temps. I think 20% finished. The rest fell to injury, hypothermia, or they quit. These obstacles are rough enough in daylight, let alone by headlamp. Part of me wishes I was fit enough to try it, but I know I am nowhere near elite athlete fit. Most people who undertake 24 hr races are ultra runners. They have spent years working up to that level of endurance. I have that little voice in my head that wonders how far I could go. How much I have in me. Hard not to be curious after completing TM. I always doubted myself, but now I seem to have some new-found confidence thanks to Mudder.

If I had any doubt about my new shift in mood, yesterday’s mail changed that. As we were expecting, the petition of foreclosure arrived. Now, had this been a few weeks back, I might have lost it. Thankfully I did not. I find myself in this okay place. At once able to think about it, and except it. Whatever happens will be alright. I kind of hope we will land on our feet, and know in my heart we will. Yes, it may mean a huge change for us. It may mean nothing. I can only hope that what money is coming in actually shows up. The clock is ticking down now. There is no way to stop it without $23K. It doesn’t scare me, nor unsettle me. This is it. Either it works out, or we find ourselves on a very different path. Strangely, some part of me longs for a different path. But in order to get there I leave all this behind. How can I be so removed from it all? When did I get here? Could I really leave this life and this existence I have known for so long? Is it just years of frustration and suffering talking? I wonder how my experience of this place can be so different from my partners. It is as if we exist in entirely different worlds. Needless to say, regardless of experience, we still know this may be the end. If that money does come in it buys us a year before we are in exactly the same place. Always behind the eightball.

 

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