The land of make believe

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Today was tough, no polo due to a possible virus at the farm I play at. All I wanted to do was go for my long weekend run. Eventually it wore me down and I ended up at the gym. Unfortunately for me I have to walk past all the treadmills to get to the elliptical. Stubborn as I am I decided to run. Pretty dumb, and quite painful. I actually had myself convinced all was fine if I could just run for a bit. So much for rational eh? I toughed it out for about a mile and a half before I came to my senses and walked. or shall I say limped. The timing just sucks. I have a couple weeks off from polo while this quarantine happens. Sensible would be to see the doctor and get off my foot for a bit. I really have no desire to go. In fact I have spent the entire day convincing myself it is all fine and I can just keep right on running. I know. I know. Idiotic. But there is that drive to find the empty place in my brain. I can’t seem to find it. the only place it exists is in those endless miles of trail or pavement. What am I going to do if I can’t find that? It is the only place in my life that I can escape the endless worry and thinking. It never stops, unless I run. I know I should stop and listen to what my body has to say. I do know that. I am just unable to envision a week or day without the emptiness and peace. Today was a stubborn day. I’m not ready to take a break, not just yet. Maybe tomorrow when I wake up I can come to my senses. For now I’ll just pretend like my foot isn’t hurting.

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