We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. ~ Anais Nin

I have been in a disconnected strange state since yesterday. Very much perplexed as to who would come onto our property. I pulled in the driveway, after being gone for 5 hours. The solid electric gate that stands between us and the world. The barrier that keeps those without a code from entering our property. but even more important, the gate stops animals from leaving. If one of our horses gets out to the road, and is struck, we are liable. It is critical that all of our fences are sound, and that the gate functions to keep the property safe, and the horses contained. There I was staring at a gate swinging in the brisk wind. I couldn’t quite comprehend what it was I was looking at. I wasn’t afraid. It didn’t add up in my head. I got out of the truck and looked at the gate. It started to add up. The steel pins were not holding the electric arms to the gate panels. These arms open and close the gate when prompted by the control panel. The only way for them to function is if someone knows the code. If the gate malfunctions, or if you do not know the code you can pull the pins and disconnect the arms. This allows the steel gates to swing unhindered. That is what I was looking at when I pulled in. I quickly tied the gate fighting the gusting wind. I had two horses in the trailer, and could not stop to look at it in detail. I pulled up the hill to the barn looking around, wary. It was pitch black. I unloaded the horses, like I do every wed night. I return at the same time, every week, just as I leave at the same time. My life is predictable. Too predictable. What is so scary is that it takes time to pull the pins and once in, there is no other way out. Meaning whoever came in was bold, and was confident enough that we would not return early. It just makes me sick. But what scares me most is we can’t figure out what they did while here, or what they took. The dogs were in the house, so that would be enough of a deterrent. The barn, that is another story. The machine shed. All the tools, and equipment. Nothing looks out-of-place. Why take the gate apart to get a vehicle in here? what was the purpose? It makes my skin crawl. The not knowing. The invasion of our space. It bothers me to no end.
I called the police once I had put the horses in stalls and walked down to the house (armed with a 5′ hickory twitch, kind of like a baseball bat, like that was going to help me….) I opened the door to a happy group of dogs, and the bird. Nothing looked out-of-place. Relieved, but anxious, I called the police. I walked out on the deck and looked around. Still trying to come to terms with the fact that someone other than us had been there, or was still there. 4 town cops showed up about 10 minutes later. Not really the best response time. They walked the place with me, looking for anything missing or out-of-place. They asked me about clients, any problems? Boarders, horses etc. No. No. no. We haven’t had any issues. We stay to ourselves. We live behind a coded gate. We got to the main barn and I went to check the drugs. The cop asked me about bute. Bute is roughly the equivalent of you or I taking tylenol. He said they were cutting ketamine with the bute. Lovely. A little carcinogen on the trip down the k hole. Locally there is a problem with ketamine. It didn’t dawn on me, since I didn’t know they were cutting it with bute. what happened to baby laxatives? I’d think bute might be harder to come by, but what the fuck do I know about street drugs these days. My drug days are long over. Probably a good thing, since there is some nasty shit out there now. I digress, back to the walk through. I checked our injectibles, and also the needles and syringes. Keep in mind these are for horses. I don’t know many people who shoot up with 20g 1 and 1/2″ needles. Anything is possible. I don’t know. Appears all meds, and needles and syringes are accounted for. We are left with a mystery. Left with so many questions, and no answers. I understand the disconnect. It is safe. It is better than where my mind goes when it thinks about trespass. I know I’m trying hard to keep my head here, not losing sight of this is now. It is not the past. It is now. The present and someone has trespassed into our world. We thought it was safe. I am rethinking that now.