I walked away from yesterday’s polo match with an even greater respect for my big grey mare. She played the very best she ever has. She isn’t an easy horse, far from it but she is extremely intelligent. She choses to play this sport with me, for me. Yesterday was just one of those times when everything just came together. We were a living breathing unit she and I. No longer a rider and horse. It was incredible. Just the afterglow tingling in my veins is enough to leave me breathless. I only want to hop back on and do it again but part of me knows it will be very tough to replicate what we did together yesterday. Polo is like that. Just when you think you have it figured out you’ll have a day when you can’t hit the ball to save your life. It is very humbling. I want tomorrow to be amazing. I know Boo is probably a little tired and sore. I know I am. Tomorrow we return to the arena to lay it all out there again. She and I are the same, we don’t know half way. When that clock starts we both go until time runs out. No time outs, no bullshit. That is what I love about her. She is a warrior my big grey mare, as am I.

Tomorrow we return to battle together as I try and shake this slow descending fog. Polo gives me an outlet to ramp up the adrenaline till I shake and leave behind the grey. It doesn’t last. The games give a longer lasting effect since we are truly going about as hard as we can. It is more physical. Faster and tougher. Unlike the weekly club chukkars where we lope around and joke more. Sure we can have fast and furious nights, but they aren’t sustained like they are in a tournament. Then it is 30 min. all the way. Tomorrow will be another day, with more adrenaline to chase away the awareness that my mood is steadily declining. I can forget for a little while. But there is always the moment of recognition when the adrenaline burns off when everything just loses its luster. As much as I want to play tomorrow I dread the aftermath when the high doesn’t last and the drop off is even more marked. If only it could last.