Shifting

The shift happened pretty much out of the blue and overnight. It is beyond perplexing how it does that. Exactly what happened in those 12 hours? Did the planets shift alignment? Did I work it all out in my dreams and thus calmed a very troubled and dark mind? I never really know what I am dreaming about though I often awake as if surfacing from a deep dive, or having finally found that break in the ice I was seeking to free myself from drowning. It is a disorienting terrible feeling. Regardless something happened two nights ago and I find myself in a totally different place. The depression that was smothering me slowly evaporated. If anything it is disheartening to know it is that close. To suffer and struggle knowing it is that close, yet never knowing when it will come. Days? Weeks? Months? How far away is relief? The greater question looming in my mind is will it stay? Is this just a fleeting shift? Is the depression still there just waiting to grab hold? Guess I am unsteady right now as I feel out this new place. It is not my middle. It doesn’t feel familiar. There is an undercurrent of racy anxiety. Will this hold here or is it going to shift higher? I think I have every right to be anxious and worried right now.

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