It took me a day or two, well more than a few to shake the words I read. I wasn’t really expecting the fireworks that went off. But they went off. I guess we are all on the same page that I probably shouldn’t have read that email. Though we cannot change that now. I think one would have to think about how it feels to be in my shoes and in my head to understand the ramifications of that short read. It isn’t lost on my that somewhere in that pompous bullshit was good information. I didn’t need to hear it from him. I had already left my conversation with Virgil in a decent place and had very much come to terms with accepting a trial of depakote. I didn’t need to read it. Anyhow, I have been somewhat lost and sad in the days since. The sun is finally out and the weather was bearable yet I just didn’t feel it. I don’t know how easily I can leave behind the experiences of the past especially when reminded so bluntly. I don’t like to think I am angry with Virgil though something is eating at me. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Instead of my usual check in I would rather not. I feel myself wanting only distance. I am not even sure why. It isn’t her words that hurt me. I kind of wish I understood more about why I reacted the way I did and why I am backing up away from everyone now. It may be I just need some more time to process. I may need some space to repair.
I just don’t understand myself all that well.


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