i need to rant tonight. I’ve spent the day going back and forth between sleep and a strange semi wakefulness with nasty chills. Nothing earth shattering, but kinda miserable when coupled with the body aches and headache. Normally you’d reach for a cold medicine and call it a day. But I’m so fucking worried about making my stomach any worse and I live on the meloxicam most of the products like advil and the cold medicines that include it are a no go same goes for the tylenol ones. Least if I want to avoid any more stomach pain. so I held off and tried to get through the day. I have so many different medications for a variety of issues right now it makes just your average cold/ flu whatever the fuck this is not quite as bearable. I tried to eat something but that just made it worse and redoubled the nausea. ok, so no eating. That just makes you feel worse. I’ve taken to laying real still and hoping the pain in my stomach and everywhere else subsides. The clock is ticking on night time meds and I can’t even fathom putting more crap in my system. This fucking med change right now was a bad idea. I can’t tell what is GI stuff from the scoping and gastritis issues or if it is the meds aggravating an already messed up stomach. I would like to scream. Honestly. I wish I knew what was what and beyond that I’d like to just take some drugs to feel a little better. Not a choice right now. WTF. I can just hope to fall back asleep and not feel anything. but seems this fucker is just getting going. hmmm, what fucking door knob did I touch? or some fucking idiot sneezed on me. Must be the damn drug store where I spend so much time. ick.

I’d just like a little relief. that’s all. not to feel worse and definitely not to have to pick feeling miserable because I am too worried about making it worse. I don’t like feeling like I have no options. It feels awful. truly awful. and the sad thing is so many people live like this with far worse things than a cold. sad.