Take two on the depakote. More of the usual adjustment issues on a new med. The normal GI complaints which seem to bother me new med or not. The weird hazy disconnect from life as my brain searches for a way to incorporate a new chemical. An insult amongst so many others. Seems my brain just adapts.
Is this one going to be any different? better? worse? As the slow and steady progression of dose increases continues I cannot help but think about it. or maybe it is just the reticent mood today. I am looking back and looking ahead rather than just being here today. The mood just fell off sharply today. Could be this weather? or the planets alignment. Sleep has been somewhat off as well. I think it is the lower seroquel. I’m just so accustomed to it controlling my sleep patterns. Life if different with less of it. That is okay though. But it is indeed the devil I know. I think I am just adrift as indoor polo season wrapped up and I don’t have that weekly fix. I miss it. There really isn’t much to replace it with right now. In my excitement to return to running I gave myself a good foot bruise and it has prevented me from settling back into my normal weekly routine. I did get back on the bike a couple of times including a nice 15 miler yesterday. I may just have to do a whole lot more of that while my foot heals. I still don’t have much of an outlet right now and I think I really really need one. The painting has been wonderful but it is hard not to feel terribly guilty if I am in the studio instead of outside working. The light is poor late in the day so it really leaves only the prime real estate of midday when the light is great for painting. Unfortunately that is also the main work time for farm chores. It is that endless give and take. I know the days I need to take a bit more for me but more often than not it will be giving to this place and these horses.
I just have that inkling there in the periphery that something is shifting. I cannot put my finger on it yet. It is vague and distant but still leaves me with a queasy feeling of dread.