Unsettled mood continues wrapped in a sodden blanket of apathy. I have felt little to no urge to write this past week. There seems a clear ebb and flow here with the blog just as there is in life. I find my best clarity and writing tends to come on the heels of a lull. This may well be one of those times. I’ll let it be for now.
My mind feels heavy and sluggish. I know I don’t like the way I feel, not in mind or body. Nothing feels like me right now. Running is almost pointless. biking isn’t far behind. I am a foreigner on domestic soil. I know I need to do more. I can’t get behind like this, not right from the beginning. I have to burn enough to offset the insane hunger. I’m not and I’m behind. It scares me. my skin crawls. I dream in pounds by the hundreds. Nightmares wake me in pools of cold sweat and tangles of sheets. I can’t control this.
I could linger on it. I could rage against it. I could get angry and frustrated. I’m not. I’m anxious, tired and lethargic. Far too much so to even resist.
I cannot even put the words together. this is pointless.