Loss

It is hard to put into words what it feels like to lose something so close to your heart. This morning we made the difficult decision to put our mare to sleep. We had waited on labs, and it was a rough couple days. In the end she had stopped eating and her vitals told us it was over. She was a tough girl. After seeing the necropsy, none of us can fathom how she was alive at all. I know she suffered this week, but we had no way to know it was this bad. I can’t second guess it now. In the end we did what was right. It would have been terrible to let her linger any longer. I loved her more than words can express. She was a rescue that became one of my polo horses. She was brave and tough and it showed these last days. Some of them just don’t give up, no matter how bad it looks. It was an honor to have cared for her, and to have spent these short few years with her. She is in a better place now, without suffering and pain. I miss her terribly already. After we finished the necropsy I sat with her and thought about all the terrific times we had, and all her silly quirks. I know she was gone, but it gave me time to come back to my head. In order of effectively assist  the vet, and perform the necropsy I could not be in my head. Just had to disconnect and do the job. But I felt we both deserved some time together, so I sat resting on her neck and stroking her face. It was a quiet moment to say goodbye. I need some time to put myself together again, but for now I will just drift in this place of deep emotional connection.

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