strange sleep

I returned from session exhausted. emotionally and physically. I could barely work up the energy to get from the truck to the house. It was such a complete and pervasive heaviness. I slid under the covers and closed my eyes. Yet, sleep would not come. I wanted only to have some peace and rest. I closed my eyes again, in hopes of sleep. Each noise ricocheted thru my head. Startling me awake. The response far too great for such muffled sounds coming from downstairs. I was acutely aware of every sound, regardless of how minute. I did not understand it.It was a very strange feeling. I was completely disconnected from my tired body, but my brain was reacting with these intense jolts . As each minute ticked off, and yet another sound jarred me, I became angry. Not a mild irritation with the inability to sleep, but a deep rage. I wanted to scream and throw something. My heart was pounding. I was sweating. it was rapidly getting out of my control. I took a clonopin and put in ear plugs. Slowly but surely I began to wind down. I fell into a deep heavy sleep. Without stirring, nor dreaming. I awoke almost 3 hours later. Slightly disoriented. Instantly the anxiety appeared. confused and jumbled thoughts clanging around in my head. I wished I could just fall back into sleep. Avoiding the thoughts and the anxiety. God I just wish this would end. praying for some peace. If only my mood would come to center and stay there.

Sadly I think we are not there yet. It is going to be a long weekend.


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