The most difficult Choice.

184712_205209192837939_7472565_nI made the terrible mistake of pausing this evening to read the available information about hemangiosarcoma. In the chaos of yesterday the decision was made to have life saving surgery done on our dog Georgie. It was a day that started in the early morning. I was trying to get out the door to the pain mgmt. doctor. I made my coffee in a semi asleep state and out of habit called the dogs to let them out. Two came bounding to the door. But one was missing. Not the usual culprit, our oldest boxer with a bad back. No, she was there. I started looking around and found Georgie behind the recliner breathing shallow and unmoving. I knew in that split second it was bad. My gut told me this was no ordinary problem. Actually full on alarm bells were going in my head. I roused him and he staggered across the kitchen like drunk. I started yelling to my partner to get up. I let him stagger out the door and he promptly collapsed in the frozen grass. I stood at the window watching him. I could not process the severity of the problem. I called the vet and let them know my partner was coming. I had the terrible choice to make. I could go to the doctor and get the medicine I absolutely needed, but that my GP would not prescribe, or I could cancel and go to the vet. I knew the odds were I would not get another appointment for more than a month. (average time is actually almost 6 weeks). I hated that I needed to go and desperately wanted to be with her and Georgie. Instead I went to my dr. She was left to deal with the vet, and the information. I was receiving everything second hand over the phone. He needed surgery to save his life. He was bleeding to death. I told her I did not think we could do it. There was no way we could afford it. She insisted. She said she’d borrow the $ from her mom. I still didn’t think it was okay. She made some calls and ended up moving him an hour north to a vet I play polo with. Because the dog was only 6 he felt it was the right choice to pursue surgery. I still wasn’t sure. But I went along. As I started researching tonight my heart sank. It is a brutal cancer. Aggressive and deadly. In dogs that have to have a splenectomy the median survival time is 19-83 days. Was it worth putting him thru this? us through this??
I just don’t know if it was the right choice. I am so sad and feeling terrible about these statistics. I know it is just numbers. I understand that. I just can’t help it.

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