sick still- &%$@$#!@

The last five days have become a complete blur. I can’t even tell them apart since most of it has been partially asleep or awake miserable cursing the damn person that gave me this bug. The 5 hours in the hospital yesterday was spent much the same way. dozing and waking up over and over. they tried lidocaine, nope. they did IV toradol. nope. they did lots of tylenol. I was in such a haze from lack of sleep I could not even care. The fluids definitely helped perk me up. by last night it was right back to awful. in my half dazed state around three I started hunting the house for pain killers. For me that is very unusual. I don’t like pain meds and I sure don’t like mixing meds. But I was pretty desperate at that point. ok, some tylenol 3s not a big deal. but my stomach was already so sore. fuck it. what could be worse. well yeah, worse could be nauseous and heaving with no relief from the throat pain. great, just great. I spent the next four hours lying on the bathroom floor. I found really hot compresses seem to be mildly relieving and don’t involve putting anything in my stomach. but it still didn’t solve the swallowing problem. seriously what the fuck could possibly be growing in the back of my throat? an alien resident for sure. so I’ve tried hot, cold, ice cream, salt water. anything and everything. nope no dice. never dealt with anything like it. I can’t even force myself to swallow without flinching now. so I went on the hunt again. hmm. tramadol. ok, worth a shot. hell I’d take anything this afternoon. that was easier on the stomach but aside from making me nice and happy it did nothing for the throat. wtf. by dinner time I tried some soup only to have the noodles get stuck in my throat. gee fun. thankfully I am used to that from the post surgery days. normally food will just sit there. it is a weird feeling especially when it doesn’t move. well it sat there for a good while. tried water. nothing. at that point I think I exceeding my coping skills and were I able to talk I would have cursed a fucking blue streak. I can’t tell you how much I hope this is better by tomorrow. another dr appt and if it is like this I am not leaving till she figures out some relief. I can’t exactly keep losing weight, well I can but not like this. I know this is my second rant in just a few days. sorry! lack of food and sleep coupled with pain that just isn’t relieved by anything I have tried. haven’t set foot in the barn in days and of course no running. think it is a little with drawl feeling like a slug after being in bed for this many days. I can’t help but wonder, like the ER doc if that scope didn’t scrape my throat and introduced some infection. I’m pretty healthy otherwise. I get 1 cold a year maybe. and I kick it in a couple days with some fluids and rest. I don’t get sicker. It doesn’t really add up but anything is possible I guess. If it isn’t better tomorrow….here’s to hoping it is.

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